| by the way... |
[16 Nov 2004|01:37am] |
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I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PROMOTION OF THIS SHOW NOR AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY TYPE OF TURN OUT. I JUST THOUGHT SOMEONE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE AN EFFORT SINCE THESE GUYS AND THIS BAND ARE ACTUALLY WORTH THE 8 BUCKS YOU WILL SPEND TO SEE THEM. RIGHT.
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[16 Nov 2004|01:35am] |
not trying to conflict with the compound party this friday night, but im sure you will you have time for both...compoud parties dont stop till 6 in the mornin'...
(im only doing this since no one else has...)
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 19th...around 8:00pm im sure...
AMENDMENT18...(a18 if you prefer)
---for those who dont know..ex members of chorus of disapproval among others, one of the few last legit "hardcore" bands around right now
with...
HEY KID
TO THE DAY
PENSIVE
BY DEATHS DESIGN
havent heard of any of these other bands...but who cares...its A18. if you still care to call yourself a hardcore kid you should be at this show. hell, i dont care to call myself that, but ill be there! if anything its worth it just to yell chorus songs at em all night.
its at the COMPLEX in north west somewhere phoenix...2462 W Glendale Ave. heres directions that just about anyone should be able to follow:
To get to the Complex Take the 202 West to the I-10 West, to the I-17 North, get off and turn left (West) on Glendale, and I believe its on the left side of the road right around 25th ave or so. Its in a parking lot behind a convenient store. (repost)
anyhow...theres not much i consider worth coming out for anymore...a18 is one of the few. see ya friday.
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| ah, yes...the rains. |
[10 Nov 2004|11:14pm] |
it rained today.
but not the kind of rain that leaves beads of water on everything. the kind that leaves everything fresh and new...the kind of rainbows. not the kind that you look forward to during the summer months, the kind that quenches and brings life, the kind that enduces feelings of nostalgia and childishness. not the kind that urges us to splash in puddles.
no, today's rain was driving and cold. relentless. the kind that you must shield your eyes from, the kind that soaks you to the bone, and leaves you feeling depressed. it was the kind of rain that slows traffic, slows work, slows your daily routine. the kind of rain that an umbrella doesnt soften.
each drop a soldier, armed, willing...ready. it takes its final look around the cabin and steps out of the plane. helmet? check. machine gun? ready. parachute? not necessary.
as it falls, it readies itself..."for god, for country..."
faster, faster, faster still.
"prepare for impact on 3...2...1..."
and there is no mercy from this barrage of battering cold. every city it hovers above lays in rubble after its attack, the blood of the fallen, their fallen, soaking the streets, the gutters, buildings, alleyways, highrises. there is no cover, they will not stop. only from indoors...and then you must watch, watch as your loved ones, your co-workers, your friends and associates are marauded by small persistent footsoldiers doing battle with the world.
thats what today's rain felt like...nothing was washed clean...nothing was left unmarked...and the sun has yet to show its cowardly face.
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| this felt appropriate tonight. |
[05 Nov 2004|03:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
sunlight, the kind that warms you on the coolest winter day. the opening of a new chapter in a brand new book. the first words of a young child, the look in her parent's eye. that crisp smell of freshly cut flowers, roses, i know you know the one. the way the sun shines off the snow, diamonds are all that come to mind. laughing uncontrollably at something that no one would ever find funny, but at the right moment, the right place, the right situation...its all that matters. long days of misery, greeted with a warm smile at the end that makes everything go numb. butterflies...who would ever think it was possible to be sick to your stomach in a good way? the inside things, things that no one will ever share, the things that make it possible to sit in this chair and smile to myself. staying up too many nights, too many hours, and wishing i didnt have to get up for work, but not caring because i knew id do it again the next night. long drives, laughing, talking and listening. christmas morning. playground antics. halloween parties complete with fake spiderwebs. hot cider melting away the bite of the cold. a good meal after a long, long day. friendly conversation. first steps. that time in the cabin, the first time i had heard it meant sincerely. friendship, love, i remember whens.
so many things...comparison fails me...but its the best i can do.
youve seen me pull my hat down low...
its only to hide the tears in my eyes.
the ones that say thank you.
the ones that will never forget.
the ones that will always care.
the ones that i cant help but shed.
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| overly dramatic much??? |
[05 Nov 2004|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
i held the entire world in my hands and i just let it fall to the ground. i had seen the meaning of life, of what everything was supposed to be like and i felt comfort and warmth and security for the first time in my life. everything was perfect, everything was so surreal. i had the answers, for the first time ever, i had a plan. i knew what i wanted, i knew how to do it. i knew peace, i knew love, i knew friendship. i still do. i always will i suppose. they say you kill the things that you love the most, i didnt just kill it, i smashed it to fucking pieces with a sledgehammer and sat there and watched it bleed and cried. there was nothing i could about it.
all i want is to say sorry, all i want is to go back, all i want is to not feel like this anymore. every waking moment of my life is dedicated to not being this person...not being what i hate. i want nothing more than for people to say "hes the one with a true heart, the one who is loyal, hes a good person. hes honest and sincere." i want to give this to everyone, to you, to me. i want to feel forever thankful, i dont want to feel dead again. i want forever. i want now. so selfish, i suppose.
i want arms wrapped around me, i want trust and committment. ive seen everything and now i want nothing more than "i love you."
and im sitting here, watching myself bleed out, watching the final gasp of air escape my lips and thinking, nice drama. nice element of suspense. and i laugh. because in the end the only person i can blame for killing the world is myself. ive seen comfort and i threw it away, i held you and i laughed and we laughed, and i could have died so many times content and happy. now im dying alone. in this cold room. a fucking computer for a companion. and i know...deep down...nothing will get better, nothing will change. i ran and i ran and i ran.
i had more than i could ever understand, and now i have nothing. what a concept. im king midas...except everything i have is already gold and when i touch it, it crumbles in front of my very eyes. you should see it, its a sad, humorous thing.
color me red...color me black. i wish. a steady, bland shade of grey is all i am worth. im destined to watch the rest of my days fade to black alone, watch them disappear before me. someday, somewhere i will be the one to wake up, cold and old, and say to myself, "my entire existence has been in vain. ive done nothing but hurt people, ive lived a shallow life, and i wallow in self pity."
but i dont...
i dont feel sorry for myself. ive tried time and time again to make this world better, to give back something. and i fail. im not sad for myself, more regretful than anything. i couldnt do better. for fucks sake, i dont even use punctuation anymore. my efforts were not enough, and the things i tried to do just fell short everytime. im am the classic underacheiving overacheiver. and it will never be enough, never be good enough. if i could take all the love i have in me, in my heart and just let it fall over the world, even if it killed me, it might save something. somewhere, a flower would bloom. or a buttefly would open its wings. or a child would laugh. or maybe a first kiss would be shared. id die for this...id die for you. if i could do it i would...i wish i knew how. there is too much love inside of me, years ago i never would have believed it...but now i know. its not my fault, i just cant handle it. i dont know what to do about it, i dont know where to turn.
its a wide wide open ocean, life, that is. somewhere out there, im floating. im betting on sharks, if i dont drown first...SOS. sink or swim? save our souls? send out ships? i dont really remember, but it fits nicely now.
alone is a good word...i just would rather not use it, thanks.
and with that, i bid you adieu, to retire to slumber. with any luck the eternal kind, but im afraid i might be too young and healthy for that as of yet. such is life. i miss you, i love you, come back soon please. i dont think ill last too long like this. and thanks for giving all you did to someone who wasnt worth the effort. friday night didnt kill me, but it left me battered, with saturday coming in to finish me off.
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| hahhahaahah |
[03 Nov 2004|12:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the sound of impending doom. |
] |
oh man, are we fucked or what?!?
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| attn computer lovers and internet porn dorks. |
[26 Oct 2004|08:09pm] |
Hey...I just came across a bunch of used computer stuff from my work...it was going in the trash so I scavenged it...all in all its six towers, i dont think any of em have harddrives...but a few have cd drives, floppy drives, disk drives...etc etc. with a little work there should be enough stuff to build a couple computers. i dont give a fuck about that...nor have the time/intelligence to bulid a computer...soooooooo..for all you geeks that like to do that...ill make you a deal. you can have all the stuff i have (all six towers and the insides..whatever is there) for 300-500 bucks. now im just guessing on the price but that seems pretty fair to me...so when you come look at it all we can negotiate. let me know if you are interested...its all quality stuff..just stripped down. hit me up creeps. <3
ian
480-332-3848
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| debate this. |
[13 Oct 2004|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my head pounding. |
] |
so due to the overwhelming importance of political banter, my drive home from work tonight took well over an hour.
WHY THE FUCK DOES TRAFFIC STOP WHEN PEOPLE ARE DEBATING???
not to mention, i not so sure i agree with calling tonights events a debate...most of the time a debate is an intelligent argument over various standpoints on certain issues.
pointing out ones flaws, name calling, and insulting is hardly a debate.
not to mention again, the participants in tonights debate would be better of slapping each other with wet rags and deciding who wins that way rather than attempting to engage in intelligent conversation.
our leaders...right.
i know children who can hold more intelligent conversations.
now tell me...how does this justify my drive home being over an hour long tonight? maybe if the world series was here again...maybe if the rolling stones were playing in tempe...maybe if a goddamn alien spaceship had landed at tempe beach park. those are about the only good reasons i can come up with right now.
and like anyone is going to change their mind of over this debate...
bush: "duuuuh...war president...duuuh...axis of evil..dduuuuh."
kerry: "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..."
debate watcher:"wow, what an amazing point. i must say im convinced otherwise...good thing i watched these two neanderthals battle over this burning log for the last 2 hours."
i think not.
i just wish theyd put pacino in office and get it over with.
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| this is just too fun. |
[01 Oct 2004|02:40pm] |
Do It.
1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
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| ahahhahahahahahsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick! |
[30 Aug 2004|06:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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stooooooooked |
] |
| [ |
music |
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none, but i wish it was yellowcard. |
] |
best thing to happen in the last 6 months...i got a dope beach crusier for my birthday! thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankyousomuch! such a good bday present. <3.
and there are now 15 lawn creaturs living in my front yard...wonderful. haha
and really nothing else matters...
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| do you remember when...yeah..so do i. |
[08 Aug 2004|12:51pm] |
respect.
its a word that weighs heavy on my mind, my lips, as of late.
maybe we all forgot what it is...what it was.
i remember days of heart...days of kindness and love. ones that you never wanted to end.
i remember nights of singing and dancing, where the starts and moon shone so bright you could drive for hours with no headlights on.
i remember these days, and they werent so long ago.
and i remember the day it all died...the day it became wrong and tainted. and the day i gave up.
there will be a reckoning, the day will finally come when you all will fall...and we will dance upon your graves...and watch the moon rise over a sky alive with the drums of a new day.
mark...my...words.
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| to sleep... |
[17 Jul 2004|11:51pm] |
and just when you think it will all end and everything will come crashing down...it just gets a little bit worse. or a little bit better...
guess it depends on how you see things. (reloading...please take a number...)
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| let it all go...IIII |
[11 Jul 2004|07:12pm] |
tonight the dream was reality. tonight we all died and were reborn. the shots that rang out were no longer the ones that are spoken of and never heard...tonight was creation and destruction all in one.
and if for every time ive said "never again" i had 2 cents id be a rich rich man. but being rich doesnt make you wise, and as i watched them bleed out in the street...watched the pools of blood wash into the gutter and down the sewer drain, dancing in the river of rainwater that was flowing from earlier in the evening, i realized we could never look back. forward. that was the only option, is the only way out.
im reloading as i write this, hoping you are aware of what is to come, what is being done. ive seen the future, and i know what i want, i know what needs to be done to accomplish it.
there is nothing anymore that will stand in my way...
im pulling triggers until i hear nothing but a hollow click.
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| heeeeeeeeeeeelp promoters and show goers and doers!!! |
[05 Jul 2004|09:58pm] |
hey, to anyone doing a show or booking a show or whatever...my friends in cherem (vegan straight band from SLC) are looking to jump on a show out here sometime between the 9th and 14th of july. its way to last minute for me to put something together..but i was thinking that maybe someone who knows whats up or is big time and already has a show going on could hook us up. let me know...i promise it wont be a let down...and im sure i can talk em into bringing the one and only foekus with em. and you all know you want to see that shit. so someone get back to me ASAP so we can hook these dudes up. word..thanxxx.
480.332.3848
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| HELPHELPHELP promoters and scene dudes and chicks!!! |
[05 Jul 2004|09:55pm] |
hey, to anyone doing a show or booking a show or whatever...my friends in cherem (vegan straight band from SLC) are looking to jump on a show out here sometime between the 9th and 14th of july. its way to last minute for me to put something together..but i was thinking that maybe someone who knows whats up or is big time and already has a show going on could hook us up. let me know...i promise it wont be a let down...and im sure i can talk em into bringing the one and only foekus with em. and you all know you want to see that shit. so someone get back to me ASAP so we can hook these dudes up. word..thanxxx.
480.332.3848
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| remember that time i died??? (pt6) |
[27 Jun 2004|11:09pm] |
what more simple words than im sorry exist? but what if they are the only words to come out of your mouth? ever. what if everytime you say it its like shotgun pellets crashing into lead walls? like fingernails down a chalkboard? like brakes screeching to a halt but not in time enough....
what if the best thing you can do is just turn your head...and hope.
and i know ive spoken of hope in an ill manner...but right now its all i have. comfort? not quite. just empty, hollow hope...knowing that the only thing that will save me now is honesty and a gold effort....
they say we kill the things we love most...i just cant get that out of my head...but yesterday i took all the bullets out of my gun.
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| heres an idea... |
[23 Jun 2004|06:38pm] |
so i remember this one time, not exactly the age, or the place, or even what year it was, but i know we were playing basketball. just friends. just kids. nothing mattered, nothing was relevant to world dynamics or organizations. we were all pure. innocent and care-free.
so we were playing, my team was winning, the score doesnt matter, nothing did...it was just for fun. the ball was inbounded to me and as i dribbled down the asphalt court, i remember thinking how great life was. i passed the ball off as i came to the top of the key and ran around under the basket to pick up the pass back. this was the perfect move, your defended was picked off half away and you set yourself up perfect for a turn around jump shot from about 10 feet, which was a guaranteed basket when i was younger. as i turned to catch the pass, the sun reflected off a passing car just in time to blind me as i was reaching for the ball. needless to say instead of catching the ball, it went through my hands and struck me square in the chest knocking the wind out of me and bringing me to my knees.
now anyone who knows this feeling, the one where you feel like your insides are turning over and you can do nothing but gasp for air in short futile breaths, knows its not a good feeling. you are on your knees, on hot asphalt, which is rough enough to make you bleed, trying to save what little energy you had left just to consume life sustaining oxygen. all i could think was, that car, that stupid, stupid car. i was helped up with some friendly teasing, and the game continued...but of course the rest of the game feels awkward because you still feel like you got stomped on by a gorilla.
life. what a metaphor. everyday that feeling. suffocating, not breathing, just reaching and gasping and stretching for something more. and so many things are realized from this...
we are not innocent.
we are not who we used to be.
we are no longer pure and care-free.
life is no longer as easy to stomach and joy doesnt come as easy as it use to.
you know they say you know when you hit rock bottom and they say you can only go up from there. ive been digging into the foundation for some time now, i dare you to tell me we can only go up. i was hoping for some life altering realization once i hit the bottom, hoping for something more. what i should have expected was that i would only get the obvious. the most typical, repetitive thing i could have received from such an experience. nothing. nothing at all. once you hit the bottom you just stay there. nothing gets better, nothing changes. there is no ultimate meaning to everything, you just realize, once and for all, that everything you do is in vain. waiting for the world to change around you doesnt solve anything, waiting for people to change will only drive you mad. changing yourself seems practical, but in all reality you are just putting one drop of red dye into an ocean of blue ink.
what
do
you
have
left?
nothing.
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